Growing old disgracefully...

I used to be an intelligent, articulate woman. I am the mother of two grown-up children, and I hold down two jobs, but since discovering Gerard Butler, and GB.net. (the website dedicated to this Scottish actor) I have swiftly degenerated into a squee-ing, insane, horned-helmet-wearing Smut Strumpet! *

And I just LOVE it!

I have Gerry photos clustered around my workspace, have collected almost all his films on DVD, and have to admit that impure thoughts of this deadly handsome man have crossed my mind occasionally. Okay - a lot. So what the hell is going on????

I’m 46 for God’s sake! My body is telling me I’m middle-aged, but my mind is rebelling and back-pedalling furiously. I feel like I’m doing a menopausal Michael Jackson-style-moonwalk. (Only without the hideous plastic surgery!) I’ve developed a passion for punk/Indie music, given up watching the appalling drivel they put on TV these days, and am probably dressing more lamb, less mutton than I should do, for a woman of my rapidly advancing years. I have a yearning to travel and take a “gap year” like students do, to change my life before it’s too late, and arthritic decrepitude sets in........

But I’m happier than I have been in YEARS!

I realise that it’s probably because of THAT time of life, and the fact that I’m now single again after years in harness, that I am lusting after the unattainable (and-ten-years-younger-than-me) Mr Butler, but my reasoning (I still have some...) is that if this chap makes me happy, then why not drool over someone I’m never going to meet?



I’m a creature of simple tastes - good food, good wine (although the cheap stuff is all I can afford) and good company. However, after the last debacle that was my relationship, I avoid (romantic) male company, and have become something of a recluse. I have retreated into the internet and embraced cyberspace where I have discovered - thanks to GB.net - new friends to replace those who did not live up to expectations in the Real World.

Aware that I am becoming the Howard Hughes of Weevil, (my derogatory term for the town where I live) I decide to do Something About It, and with reckless abandon, put my name down for the First Annual Gerard Butler Fan Convention to be held in Glasgow on January 21st of this year........ I haven’t been away for nearly 12 years, and never, EVER alone, so for me, it is a HUGE undertaking. But boldly, inspired by this man I have never met, I go where no Elb has been before: I book tickets, a hotel and buy a case - shortly to become famous in its own right as Slutty Suitcase - ready for the convention.

My relatives think their fears for my sanity have been justified as I make plans for my trip with increasing idiotic fervour, but I AM HAPPY! Nerves multiply like rabbits reproducing as the due date approaches, but I am determined that I WILL DO this, if only to reinforce my freshly acquired independent (and stroppy with it) status, and prove to myself that I CAN!

And I DO.

My adventures in Glasgow are documented in “Elb’s Oddysey - Ramblings of a Lunatic in Glasgow" a handy little link to which is provided up there on the right, under the heading of "Links", which is an entirely appropriate place for it to appear................ Click on it if you dare.....

* And the “Horned-Helmet wearing Smut Strumpet” comment is vaguely explained therein.................