Passport to perfection? I think not........

I abhor having my picture taken at the best of times, but as I need a new passport, it's a necessary evil. However, being obliged to sit on public display in one of those horrid little 'shower cubicle' booths in a crowded supermarket really takes the biscuit.

Paranoid that my shopping outside the booth will be half-inched, I keep a furtive eye on things below the silly half-height curtain that provides a laughable degree of privacy. At the same time, I endeavour to obey the on-screen instructions of the hi-tech photo booth. Not easy when you've removed your specs as per instructions on the passport application form, and can't see a hand in front of your face....... I desperately push random buttons whilst trying to assume the expression which will be on my passport for ten years to come, cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Now, obviously £3.50 isn't going to buy you a session with David Bailey, thus presenting Passport Control with a breathtaking glamour shot, but honestly - Do I REALLY have to look like something from 'America's Most Wanted"??.... The automatic portrait machine vomits forth the statutory prison mugshot, and I resignedly admit defeat.........